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Veggie Zombies (transcript)
Announcer: This is a Fruit News Network special report. Pineapple News Reporter: We've received numerous sightings unconfirmed of zombie vegetables attacking fruit stands around the globe. There is no need to panic. (Zombie Vegetables surrounded the pineapple news reporter) Pineapple News Reporter: Wait. This just in. I can now confirm the report. And you are welcome to panic! (Pineapple News Reporter screams and the zombie vegetables attack, then the camera goes to static, the next scene shows Orange, Passion Fruit, Midget Apple, and Pear surrounded by zombie vegetables at Daneboe's and are about to get eaten alive) Orange: What is it zombies don't understand about personal space? Pear: I never thought it would end like this. Midget Apple: Me, either. Passion Fruit: Orange, there's something you should know before we get eaten alive. I've always felt a certain… Orange: Appeal? Passion Fruit: Well, actually… Pear and Midget Apple: A peel! (a banana peel gets tossed to the fruit making them scream) Passion Fruit: Oh. You meant that literally. (the fruits continue to scream then everything in the scene freezes, except for Orange) Orange: I guess you're probably wondering how this all came to be-- our world overrun with hungry zombie vegetables. Well, it all started because some children refused to eat their veggies. Little Girl: Ew, gross! (the little girl tossed her vegetables out the window and landed on the ground) Orange: An evil alien race of broccoli saw opportunity in the massive vegetable waste and seized on it. Commander Broccoli: The time has come, my cruciferous minions. Human children have foolishly discarded enough vegetables to give us the zombie army we need to destroy all fruit on Earth! Our dream of a fruitless planet where veggies are number one by a complicatedly preposterous plan will soon come to be! Broccoli Minions: Death to fruit! Commander Broccoli: Send out the zombie signal! Orange: Using advanced space technology… (the alien spaceship launches a beam at the vegetables seen earlier and turns them into rotten vegetable zombies) Orange: …aliens brought discarded vegetables to life, creating a hungry zombie army. (Veggie Zombies appear from trash bins, dumpsters, and dumps) Orange: What do zombie vegetables feed on, you ask? (the scene goes back to where Orange is while the scene continues and freezes again) Orange: Yeah, fruit. So thanks for not eating your vegetables, kids. But before we get devoured, let's go back a few minutes to when everything was still right with the world. The day started just like any other (the past shows Orange and the other fruits on the fruit cart) Orange: Hey, hey, guys! Why are you all scowling at me? Is this a Frownie meeting? I'll take six cases of oatmeal fudgy bottoms. (laughs) Pear: This is an intervention, Orange. You need help. Orange: You mean like a butler? Sweet! I'm gonna name him Frederick. (laughs) Grapefruit: I told you he wouldn't take this seriously. He's just laughing at us, like always. Orange: Whoa. For your information, I have a condition that makes me laugh uncontrollably at my own terrible jokes. Midget Apple: Really? What's it called? Orange: Giggle-chuckle-itis. (laughs) See? Ah, come on, it's a real condition. Look it up. (all the fruits groan) Passion Fruit: Orange, if you're really serious, I might know someone who can help. Dr. Sigmund Fruit: Tell me about your mother. Is she still around? Orange: Of course she's round; she's an orange! (laughs) (Dr. Sigmund Fruit hits Orange with a popsicle stick for laughing) Dr. Sigmund Fruit: Oh. (clicks tongue) This is the worst case of giggle-chuckle-itis I've seen. I fear you may choke on your own mirth. Orange: What can I do, Doc? I want to live! Dr. Sigmund Fruit: Well, we have had some success with aversion therapy. Orange: What version? (laughs) Sorry. Dr. Sigmund Fruit: From now on, when you feel the urge to laugh… (chuckles) I want you to picture the least funny thing in the world. Orange: Hmm. Dr. Sigmund Fruit: Are you picturing something unfunny? (Orange's picture/image is Apple) Orange: Boy, am I! Dr. Sigmund Fruit: Okay. Now I'll tell you the joke, yeah. And you just concentrate on that image in your head. There were two pistachio nuts… (snickers) walking down the street… (snickers again) and one was a salted. (laughs) Orange: Uh, when are you telling the joke? Dr. Sigmund Fruit: I just did. Orange: Tell a funny one. Dr. Sigmund Fruit: It was funny! I am a gifted joke-smith with awards to prove it. Orange: (gasps) Then you're saying…? (Orange returns to the fruit cart) Orange: I'm cured! I'll never laugh again. Pear: Yeah, right. Apple: I'll believe that when I see it. (Apple gets eaten by a rutabaga zombie) Apple: AHHHH! Help me! Orange: See? Normally, Apple being attacked by a zombie rutabaga would make me spit chuckle seeds. But I don't feel the slightest… (gasps) Zombie rutabaga! Run for your lives! Apple: Why…?! (more vegetable zombies show up and Apple jumps off the fruit cart to get away) Apple: Give it back, jerk! (the zombie vegetables continue to eat Apple, leaving him nothing but an apple core) Pear: Ahh! Zombie attack! Grapefruit: The horror! The horror! Marshmallow: There's no way out! Yay! Orange: "Yay"? Marshmallow: Happy-joyful-itis, it's a condition. Orange: I've got a doctor you could see about that. (Nerville shows up with bottles of ranch dressing) Nerville: Guys, I got the ranch dressing! Orange: Ranch dressing? Nerville: Veggie zombies hate that stuff. Almost as much as they hate happiness and babies. (Pear fires ranch dressing at a veggie zombie making him explode) Orange: Nerville, look out! (the veggie zombies surround Nerville and pull him down) Orange and Passion Fruit: Nooooo! (the veggie zombies pull Nerville while he tries to get away) Nerville: I hate vegetables! (Nerville is out of sight) Passion Fruit: He's… gone. Marshmallow: Yay! (to Orange) You got that doctor's card? Pear: This is a perfect chance to put our emergency vegetable zombie attack plan into action. Orange: We have one of those? Pear: We do now. Grapefruit, Grandpa Lemon, you guys man the FCDS. (crickets chirping) Pear: Fruit Cart Defense System. (Orange pushes the F.C.D.S. button, Grapefruit and Grandpa Lemon are operating miniature ray guns) Grapefruit: With pleasure. Grandpa Lemon: Aw, I was gonna take a nap. Pear: Little Apple, get the Emergency Fruit Broadcast System running and find out where the survivors are congregating. Midget Apple: Already on it! Passion Fruit: What about the rest of us? Pear: We're going zombie hunting. Marshmallow: Zombie hunting! Yay! Everyone Else: Yeah! (Orange, Pear, Marshmallow, and Passion Fruit put on headphones and the ranch dressing with squirting hoses and fight the zombies on the ground level while Grapefruit and Grandpa Lemon, who's asleep fight the zombies on the higher level) Passion Fruit: Orange, I'm surprised. We just laid waste to at least 50 zombies, and you didn't laugh once. Orange: I told you, I'm a new Orange, a serious Orange, an Orange who doesn't hide behind the mask of a fool, an Orange who wants to… (Passion Fruit fires ranch dressing at a pepper before Orange could finish his sentence) Orange: Whoa! Nice shooting! Passion Fruit: Eh, thanks. So, you were saying something about…? Pear: Guys, little problem! (Passion Fruit groans, the remaining veggie zombies surround the fruit) Midget Apple: I just got word of a safe house outside the market! Lester Banana's coffee kiosk is made of metal. It's impervious to zombies. Repeat, if you can get to the banana kiosk, you'll be safe. Orange: You think we can make it? Pear: Well, we're out of ammo and surrounded by zombies. Passion Fruit: We're pretty much doomed. Marshmallow: Don't be like that. There's always a rainbow after a hurricane. I'll meet you there. Yay! (Marshmallow jumps out of his gear) Orange: Marshmallow, no! Marshmallow: Run! Save yourself! Don't let me get eaten by veggies in vain! Yay! (giggles) It tickles! (laughs) (the veggie zombies get closer to the fruit) Grapefruit: Eat my ray gun, dead freaks! Uh, not literally though please. Okay? Thanks. (Grandpa Lemon is still asleep, the veggie zombies surround the fruit cart) Midget Apple: We've got to get out of here now! Grapefruit: No way! This cart is our home! And I can't leave Grandpa Lemon! (Grandpa Lemon is not in the seat of the ray gun) Grandpa Lemon: Oh! Grandma Lime, is that you? (the veggie zombies eat Grandpa Lemon in his sleep) Grapefruit: Oh, I wish I could unsee that! Midget Apple: You and me both. Grapefruit: Go, live your life. There's nothing left here. Or there won't be in about 12 seconds. I hit the fruit cart self-destruct button. Computer: The fruit cart will explode in ten, nine-- Oh, we don't have time for a countdown. It'll explode now. Grapefruit: Go on, you adorable little runt! Get out of here, and don't look back! (Midget Apple jumps off the fruit cart) Grapefruit: Now let's make a veggie stir-fry! (Daneboe's explodes and the fruit cart takes off, Orange, Pear, Midget Apple, and Passion Fruit escape but are pushed by the explosion and land near Lester Banana's kiosk) Lester Banana: Guys, Midget Apple, over here! Midget Apple: It's Little Apple! Orange: Wow. Even under a zombie attack, that's a concern? Midget Apple: I've got a real deep-rooted inferiority complex. Orange: I know a good doctor you could see. (the veggie zombies enter the coffee kiosk) Lester Banana: No. Stay back. Stay back! (the veggie zombies devour Lester Banana and toss his peel near the other fruits making them scream) Orange: So, this is pretty much where you came in. Looks hopeless, right? Wrong. Pear: Lester's peeled! There's no place left to… hiiiiide! (Pear slips on Lester Banana's peel and falls down, Orange starts to laugh but tries to hold it in) Pear: Orange, it isn't funny. (Orange laughs so loud he's making supersonic soundwaves, when they reach the veggie zombies they explode) Orange: Aw, I thought I was cured. Passion Fruit: Orange, I think your laugh just made their heads explode. Midget Apple: That annoying chuckle is a natural zombie defense mechanism. Pear: I hate to say it, Orange, but your laugh is infectious. To zombies. Orange: And to think I nearly let medical science destroy this valuable weapon. (Orange continues laughing to destroy the rest of the veggie zombies, just then the alien spaceship lands at Daneboe's and Commander Broccoli pops up) Commander Broccoli: You think you can defeat my vegetable zombie army?! Right now, they're attacking fruit stands worldwide, do you hear me?! You'll never stop them. Never! Midget Apple: We'll see about that. And we're live. Orange: Hey, hey, zombie vegetables… MERF! (Orange laughs into a microphone which makes his laugh heard all over Earth, including Egypt, Paris, India, and Fruitywood A.K.A. Hollywood) Commander Broccoli: This isn't over, do you hear me? I still have my minions to destroy you! (Commander Broccoli's minions were about to destroy the fruit until the fruit cart crushes them, Grapefruit and Grandpa Lemon are unharmed and land safely) Grapefruit: Grapefruit sticks the landing! Grandpa Lemon: (yawns) What a refreshing nap. I miss anything? Commander Broccoli: I don't care for any of you! (the alien spaceship takes off) Marshmallow: Hey, everybody! Passion Fruit: Marshmallow? Pear: You're alive? How? Marshmallow: Oh, I have a secret way of dealing with zombies. (Marshmallow makes a monster burp and barfs out a piece of a zombie carrot) Marshmallow: Whoops. Secret's out. (Marshmallow and the fruits laugh) Orange: Well, it looks like this zombie adventure is dead and buried. (a shadow approaches to the exit of Daneboe's) Pear: Not quite! Orange: Apple zombie? (laughs) Hey, how come you didn't explode? Apple: I'm not a zombie. Veggie zombies can't turn fruit into zombies. It's a scientific impossibility. (the doors quickly close and Apple barely gets squished) Orange: Oh, too bad. Well, remember, kids, eat your veggies. If you don't, we might just make a sequel. Pear: SEQUEL?! (the fruits scream and panic) (Epilogue, Nerville wakes up and sees a big mess in the store) Nerville: (groaning) Sweet salamander sandals. (sighs) I gotta get a mop. Zombie Eggplant: Mop! Mop! Mop! Mop! Mop! Mop! Mop! Mop! (Nerville screams as the camera zooms in on his mouth) Category:Transcript